What is family mediation? How does family mediation work and how can it help?

If you are separating from your partner, there will be decisions that need to be made about your relationship, your children and your finances. 

Mediation is a really excellent way of enabling you and your former partner to have conversations together in order to make those decisions.   

You and your former partner would sit with me in a series of meetings, either in person or online, and I will hold the space for you to be able to have constructive and balanced conversations about all the arrangements that need to be made. 

You and your former partner can keep direct communication between you, so that there are fewer misunderstandings and more insight.  This means that you are likely to have a better outcome both for yourself (emotionally and financially) and for your children.  Decisions are within your control and can be made at your own pace, unlike in Court proceedings or in correspondence through solicitors.  Together you can set the agenda- so if there is something in particular that is worrying you, it can be discussed. 

You can talk through any issues at all- about the house, pension, worries about how you will pay for outgoings, how you will share the contents of the house, what arrangements you want to make for any pets or for the children.  They can be as broad brush or specific as they need to be and the whole process can be tailored to your family.  Mediation can also be significantly more economical than using solicitors or the court process. 

The key principles of mediation are:

• you come to mediation by choice (no-one can make you take part in a mediation), 
• mediation is confidential (excepting safeguarding)
• it is for you to make decisions about your situation- I will not tell you what to do
• I will do my best to act in an even-handed way between you and to help you both reach an outcome that works for all those involved.

As a former family solicitor I can guide your discussions on a reasonable settlement, what other input you may need and what you need to do to finalise everything.

Initially, I will meet with you individually to tell you about mediation including what it is- and what it isn’t- and we can talk about whether it might be suitable for you. The meeting will take place online and will last about an hour.  In that meeting, you can tell me about your situation and the issues that need to be decided.  I can let you know whether I think mediation would be helpful for you and you can decide if you would like to try mediation, or whether you want to explore any other options for resolving issues.  I can also provide information about any other support services. 

Shouldn't we be able to work this out ourselves without a mediator?

You certainly can do that and many couples do.  If however you haven’t done so up to now then it might be that mediation can assist.  Mediation gives you time and space to be able to work things out yourself. 

The advantage of coming to me is that I have a legal background so I can guide you on what a court would expect and what a court would endorse.  I also have the experience to help you with what you might need to think about and what other services or people might be able to help as well.  Going through mediation also means that you will have a route through and a timetable in place so that things don’t just drift.

I would like to try mediation but my former partner will never agree

If you send them a link to my website or ask them to give me a call, then I can speak to them about it.  If they really don’t want to try, then they can’t be forced into it- but it can be really helpful for them to find out what is involved.

I’m nervous that my former partner will talk me into, or bully me into agreeing to something that is not in my interests

When I speak to you on the phone we can talk this through in detail. My role in the mediation is to ensure that you each have an equal voice in any conversation. If something suggested is clearly unfair to one side, we will look at that and understand fully what it would mean.  If I feel you need to take legal advice (either separately or jointly) then I will tell you that, and I can recommend a good solicitor if you don’t already have one.

I would like to try mediation but I don’t understand anything about our finances

In every case we will go through the finances together so that all three of us understand the finances involved.  If we need to get other experts involved to help with this then I can let you know about this and can suggest some people I have worked with previously who I recommend. It is always entirely up to you which other experts you want to involve, if any, and you will understand their costs fully before engaging them.

I would like to try mediation but I think we’ll just end up arguing

You may well have times of conflict within mediation, but I will hold the space for you both and watch carefully to manage this.  We can also manage this in different ways, including by using Hybrid or Shuttle methods of mediation if appropriate.  

What is Hybrid mediation?

Normally in mediation everything is shared between the three of us.  In Hybrid mediation, the mediator is able to hold confidences if appropriate.  The benefit of this is that it can allow me to see where compromises can be made and  help you to get to a settlement.  It can be a very effective way of working.

What is Shuttle mediation?

Shuttle mediation is where instead of sitting in a room together (either in real life or online), the participants sit in separate rooms where they cannot hear or see each other.  This allows people in really high conflict, or for whom emotions run high, to mediate.  It is a slower process so I normally allow 2 hours for a shuttle mediation session.  However this still tends to be quicker and more cost effective than negotiating through solicitors or going to court.

What if mediation doesn’t work?

I only take on participants that I think are capable of coming to an agreement together but occasionally people do not reach a final agreement. However even in those cases, there will have been some agreement on some issues which helps to narrow the areas of dispute for the future.  You will also have provided open financial information which can be used by solicitors in the future and which will cut down on the work, time and cost that is needed.  Sometimes it is just not the right time for mediation, and it is picked up again at a later stage.

Do you provide Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) Certificates? 

Yes- you need to come to a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting with me which takes place online for an hour.  The cost is £125 and usually at the end of the meeting I would write to the other person to invite them to attend a meeting with me although we can discuss whether this is appropriate.  The MIAM meeting is a really helpful meeting as you have the opportunity to tell me what is happening with your separation and I can give you information about support that can help you and what your next steps might be.  I will tell you about different ways to make arrangements and give you detailed information about mediation and whether it might help you.  

What does family mediation cost  

My hourly rate is based on my professional qualifications and experience. Some mediators are less expensive but they tend not to have a legal background which often means that the outcomes are not as focused or appropriate for the court.  It is worth paying for expert assistance.    

Compared to the costs of negotiating through solicitors or going to court, the costs of mediation are low and the outcomes for your family are much better. 

An average cost of negotiating through solicitors is between £5,000 and £15,000 plus VAT per person, and the costs of going to Court can vary enormously but are unlikely to be less than £15,000 plus VAT per person and are on average more like £20,000 to £30,000 plus VAT per person.  Mediation tends to cost between £2,000 and £5,000 on average in total.

I charge £125 per person per hour (no VAT) for the MIAM meeting.

I then charge £250 per person (no VAT) for each 1.5 hour joint meeting plus .5 hour preparation (total meeting cost £500).

I run shuttle mediation for 2 hours plus .5 hour preparation so the cost per person is £312.50 (no VAT).

If your mediation includes discussion about arrangements for children then you are likely to be eligible for a government voucher of £500 to cover or go towards the cost of the first joint meeting.  If you would like to do that I will provide you with a form to complete.  You can find more information about the scheme here Family Mediation Voucher Scheme - GOV.UK

Who pays for family mediation?

You can decide between you and your partner who pays for the costs.  Often the costs are shared equally between participants but they can be shared in any way that works best for your family.  

You may be eligible for a government voucher of £500 towards the cost of the first joint meeting.

Do you offer Legal Aid?

No I don't offer Legal Aid.

Are you accredited by the Family Mediation Council?

Yes I am.

What if we agree something in mediation and my former partner then changes their mind?

Mediation is not binding upon either of you, so if having taken legal advice or reflected further you decide that the agreement is not appropriate, then you can change your mind.  However, as I have a legal background I will let you know if a proposal is unlikely to be accepted by the court or is unworkable- so there is a good chance that you will each agree to continue with agreements reached in Mediation. 

Do we need to have our proposal endorsed by the court?

It is not always essential to do this, but it is a good idea because it ties up all loose ends.  You will need a solicitor to draw the Memorandum of Understanding into a Consent Order to be sent to the court with a short summary of your finances. It is relatively straightforward and inexpensive to do this because I will have drawn up a Memorandum of Understanding that is thorough and in a way that makes it as easy as possible for a solicitor to draft. 

Will we need solicitors?

You do not necessarily need solicitors, but you may want a solicitor to advise you. If we get to a point where I think that would be helpful, I will let you know.  I will also recommend some solicitors to you who are reasonably priced and approachable and who have a collaborative style who will support you in reaching an amicable outcome.  Once we have a Memorandum of Understanding I will suggest that you ask a solicitor to draft that into a Consent Order for you. 

I am still unsure

Please do just give me a call- I am always happy to speak to anyone 07985 431 362 even if I can't help you, I might be able to point you in the right direction of someone who can.